I'm feeling so at a loss lately. Like I had been taking it all for granted, as if this would never end - I had found the one, and the one way, and the rest would surely fall into place bit by bit over time. I know that is not true now. And that my complacency with the situation - indeed with the state of my life - was truly asinine.
Nothing is ever for sure. I felt you slipping through my hands last night as we made a desperate embrace - like sand, or better yet slime, as a residue has been and surely will be left. I feel that I am going back to the drawing board. How stupid I was. How utterly stupid I've been . In my anti-Copperfieldian act, it's magic in reverse, except I don't make myself disappear this time. I do it to you.

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