I am filled with the spirit, and it very well may be Canadian pop music tonight. It will make you feel better to get outside of your paradigm, and Canada has always been good for that. I want to dance in the streets tonight only if the streets were safe, and it were raining. My arms project from me like antennae. There are crickets tonight. Can you hear them. They are Canadian, and mild-mannered.
Was playing: This Night by
Oh, I guess so much has changed now since I last wrote on day 55. I can hardly stand to go back and read those posts just yet. They can easily conjure up what it felt like to live in that dark place and time, and I try daily to convince myself that I am far removed from it.
My car is my car now. The thing that has owned me for the better part of the last five years is now something that I own. Despite needing a bath and an oil change, it seems like the car is doing okay. Maybe I should give it a name. It didn't seem right to give it a name before I owned it, but I guess it would be okay now. Anyone have ideas? Maybe I should call it Oscar for the rolling trash can that it tends to be most of the time.
I am adjusting to this bachelor lifestyle as well. It's still not incredibly easy, but I do enjoy being able to do what I want to do just about all of the time. I can sit here at the house on a late weekday afternoon and write while smoking on the porch, or watch 'Prince of Tides' and cry and think of becoming a better man. I can think of being utterly transformed. When I look back at that day 55 though, I realize that I am utterly transformed. Those of you that have known me long and well, also well know this fact.
I haven't made much progress toward finishing the novel yet, nor to my other New Year's resolution of running a marathon this year. I have readjusted my running goals to aim for a half-marathon. I think just learning to live, and live fully, again is accomplishment enough for right now. All else is really a distraction from that goal.
Oh, and work. I cannot believe that I wrote on day 55 of all hell breaking loose at work. I cannot even really remember what happened that day. All I can say is that I am sure I have had more stressful days recently and they tend to roll right off of me. There has been some fundamental change in my life in the in between months that has my priorities finally set straight.
I don't fret so much lately. I realize that time provides answers as we need them. I realize that prayer is a great healer. I realize that everything is going to be okay. I believe that my life will be a good one. Something that I will look back on one day and be happy that I did it the way I did. That was not the case back when I wrote the last medication update. As much as the pills have to do with it, I would also thank my doctors, and books, and especially friends and family - old and new. I wish we could all be together on a boat somewhere right now.
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| Watch 'em go! |
I know I mentioned this to several of you in person or via phone, but I figured this was the easiest way to give you all a link to my latest creation. Hopefully it is at least a little amusing.
