I have officially been longer without a cigarette now than I have since my feeble attempt at quitting 8 years ago. In about an hour and a half, I will have made it for my first 24 hours. Despite the anticipation that I had of how hard this first day would be, it was not very hard. I expect that things will get harder along the way though.
Today I had no real cravings. No freakouts because I was going through withdrawal or anything like that. It was just those times of the day, like when you get a task finished at work and are not yet ready to start the next one, a little break would do, a cigarette break, but then I would have to remind myself that that is not possible. Or when I was rebooting the computer this afternoon and thought it would be a good time to have a.... or when the TV dinner is cooking in the microwave... It wasn't that I craved the cigarette, it was just those periods of downtime that I used to fill with smoking. I am glad I resisted the urge, but I cannot say that it did not make me sad. Just like the last one last night made me shed a tear or two. It really is like breaking up with a lover, splitting ways from a friend.
Things I have discovered today is that yes, I am craving food more, and that the box of 100 Pop Ice popsicles I bought 3 years ago indeed have a purpose other than delighting the occasional child in the house. I have had two of them late tonight and they seem to be somewhat of a surrogate for the more cancerous things I would like to be putting in my mouth, albeit I am not sure how safe that artificial coloring is.
Now Sigourney Weaver is smoking a cigarette in Death and the Maiden and it looks so pleasurable. Hell, I know that it is pleasurable. I am trying to take comfort in knowing that my carbon monoxide levels are half of what they are last night, and in the thought that this will get easier.
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